Lessons Learned

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Milestones

I've debated about posting this...

While I've been watching and waiting for my son to reach milestones such as smiling and sitting up, this week I reached one for myself.

Today has been one year since the last time I harmed myself with NOT ONE slip up. I wish I could say the past year has been for myself. But unfortunately, my baby boy is the sole reason for my success. Hurting me hurts him, and I could never do anything to intentionally hurt him.

I recently finished reading Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields and came across this quote:

Motherhood seems both selfish and selfless. She gives me purpose and makes me feel more special than I have ever felt, yet at the same time, I would die for her. As I recall the dark thoughts I had when I was really depressed and wanting to take my own life, I am moved by this distinction: I considered taking my own life, and now I would give it away if it were for her benefit.

If I could ever put into words my feelings for my baby boy and my situation... this would be pretty close. Last year was for him. This year is for me.

posted at 3:59 PM
4 comments

4 Comments:

At June 12, 2008 at 10:21 PM, Anonymous said...: Yes...this year is definitely for yourself--although really last year was as well...it was just disguised as Connor.

We love you so much and are so very proud of you!
David & Cathy
At June 13, 2008 at 3:01 PM, Anonymous said...: I am so proud of you! I love you!
At June 13, 2008 at 3:02 PM, Anonymous said...: The last comment was from me, kay.
At June 14, 2008 at 7:38 AM, Cliff and Bernadette said...: Amazing what a small baby can do to an adult!! You have been so radiant this last year! Congrats on one beautiful year!! Let another wonderful year begin~
Love you! Proud of you!